Waiting Patiently

Waiting and waiting - I have been waiting all of yesterday and today, hoping that Dominic will be allowed to call home again! I am assuming if he is able to call, it will be on a weekend as that is when he called last! But you know what - I don't even know for sure! I don't know anything for sure when it comes to my own son these days, other than I miss him more than any words can ever say! I would just feel better if I got to talk to him. I close my eyes often, daydreaming about Graduation Day and actually seeing him for the first time in eight weeks, standing at attention in his Dress Whites. Oh my God, I miss him so bad.

Keep em Coming!!

Letters from bootcamp have been coming in regularly at this point! There is nothing better than coming home from a stressful day at work to a letter written by Dominic! He seems to be doing better and better each day! It seemed as if he had a hard time adjusting to the strict routine schedules and being so homesick in the beginning. But all seems to be working itself out! His letters are very caring and thoughtful and filled with love and, (if you know Dominic) humorous! Many family and friends have also been receiving letters and this makes me happy to know that Dom has so many people that he knows cares and loves him!!!

We are counting the days until we get to see Dominic on March 19th for Graduation! All plans are made and Fred, Freddy, Keirstan and myself will fly out on Thursday afternoon! We are all very excited - as you can imagine!!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Woman!

My baby called yesterday! I was shopping at Macy's when my phone rang! As I fumbled around to answer it, I noticed the number listed was not a recognizable one, so my stomach dropped and my hands began to shake! And sure enough, I heard "Mom, mom it's me Dominic!" Well I knew we only had a short time to talk and I listened to his stories and I tried to ask so many questions - and it was literally the best phone call I have ever had in my life! He sounded great and he said that he was beginning to settle in and everything was moving along "slowly" but surely! He said Boot Camp isn't too bad other than being so homesick! He told me that after his wisdom teeth were removed they allowed him bed rest for two days - and after that he was fine! He said he actually felt lucky to have the bed rest, so the tooth removal wasn't a bad idea!!!
After we said our goodbye's I went out of Macy's and stood by the railing and cried! And cried and cried some more. Well, I wiped my tears - made a few phone calls to let my family, Marie, and Mary know that Dom called and then I breathed a big sigh of relief! I can honestly say, for the first time in 28 days that I felt good inside my heart! Although this is very hard for me, I do know and realize that joining the Navy was a very wise decision for Dominic! I know that I still have many, many, and many more days that lie ahead of me - missing and wishing Dom was safe and sound at home. But at least now, for a bit, I feel good! Again, that Happy but Sad moment, that's all I can say!

Easing Up!

I can honestly say, as I begin to write, that today is the first time in 26 days, that my heart feels somewhat at ease! Thank the Lord! I am sure my friends and family will be glad to hear this, as I must be driving everyone crazy with my whining and crying! Sorry guys!

Yesterday, when I talked to Kearstin she told us that she had heard from Dom, well not Dom, but another sailor who is in bootcamp with Dom! Dom was ordered to bedrest because of the removal of his wisdom teeth, so it seems he must have gotten this guy to call and tell her what was up. I couldn't believe it! I was very happy for her - very sad for me! Fred and I laughed saying that we got thrown under the bus!

Fred said to double check to see if I missed any calls and sure enough - to my surprise - there was a missed message! I am telling you my cell phone has been practically glued to my hand - I do not know how I could have missed a call. The timing of it though, was when I was dismissing my Kinders, so I guess I didn't hear it! Anyway, my message was basically the same as Keirstan's. It was his friend letting us know that he is okay, but ordered to bed rest, so he couldn't call us yesterday. The sailor said Dominic will try to call today! Well, again, Fred and I are getting a big laugh saying if he only gets one call - we know who will get that call! We just want him to call whoever the hell he wants too! As long as we know that he is safe and happy is all we can ask for! And we know that his love for us is unconditional and he knows that we will always be here!!!!!

We received many letters today - each one more beautiful than the next!!! Dominic sounds like he is doing much better than the first time he wrote. Says he is settling in and making many new friends. Now that he is going into his fourth week, Dom says that a lot has eased up for him! He is pretty sure that he is no longer going for any special forces team (SWCC/Rescue Swimmer) like he thought he had originally wanted. He was told that after school for these forces, that many of the bases for these squads are overseas and he does not want to willingly have to go overseas. He said he cannot imagine choosing to be out of our country and so far from home, for his 5 years of duty. We are so happy he has come to a decision, because he was going back and forth with this for quite some time! And best of all he seems very content and happy with his choice!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh - finally a sigh of relief!

Wondering....

I am assuming from Dominic's letter, that he had his Wisdom Teeth removed today. Wondering how everything went. Ironically he was just at the dentist before he left and they didn't see a need for them to come out! Go figure! I do know at this time, if it was anything like when young Freddy's wisdom teeth were removed, that he is in a lot of discomfort and pain. Wish I could be with him now to give him the same TLC I was able to give Freddy, the same TLC he deserves! I can't imagine that Dominic would have to go through the SARS Swimming Test in this condition, which he said "THEY" wouldn't reschedule. Beside the swimming test, I can't imagine him having to get up at 3:30 to do Physical Training after having his four teeth removed. And the only thing I can do is say my prayers and hope that he is holding up! And this time it isn't a Happy but Sad moment for me - it is just Sad.

Valentine Day

By now I have given up hope that Dom will be calling this weekend, I am really bummed. Now we have to wait an entire week, and HOPE & PRAY for him to be able to call next weekend! So sad - Boo Hoo! I really wanted to hear his voice and wish him a Happy Valentines Day. Disappointment sets in.

Do you know that prior to leaving for Boot Camp, I can count on one hand the few times that we went without talking to Dom for a single day! When he was out at night - he always checked in at least once during the evening. He would never stay out over night without letting us know and putting our hearts at ease. Even when he was away at college, he called or text me or his dad every day! I used to say, "If you can put my worries at ease by a simple phone call, letting us know you are ok - why wouldn't you want to do that?" I always felt lucky that both of our sons always tried to find it in there hearts to do this, otherwise I know I would have had many more gray hairs! Now mind you they both complained about having to do it, but they always did TRY to follow through! Young Fred is probably so glad to be in his own house now so that he doesn't feel obligated to call and check in every day (every other day haha!) anymore!!!Except now I am wondering - if they didn't always call and check in as often as they did, would I have been able to handle not hearing from Dom for the last three weeks? You never know - right! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

Happy to say I wound up having a very beautiful Valentine Day afternoon which I REALLY needed!!! Now, Fred's going to play chef and make our family a quiet Valentine Dinner. Even though we are looking forward to spending time all together, it is just not the same without our Dominic. I am just hoping that he finally has received some of our letters and hoping this week gets a bit easier for him and I! God, I miss him so. Once again, Happy but Sad, that's the only way I can explain it.

Finally!!

Well, my family and I have been waiting for letters or a phone call from Dominic, since we have heard nothing since the night he arrived in Chicago. And, thank the Lord, our wish came true! Yesterday we received our letters! The letter to my husband and I was absolutely beautiful and of course made me cry the entire time I was reading it! I have read it at least 6 times and I am sure that total will rack up after today! Young Freddy is coming over today for his letter, since Dom mailed it to our house! I am sure this will help to put his heart at ease, just as it did ours!

Sad thing, Dominic found out his wisdom teeth have to come out on Wednesday, and his SARS swimming test is on Thursday, and of course the hard asses won't reschedule!!! He is trying to get on an elite squad which you have to qualify for by passing this SARS swim test (along with many other challenging fetes). He was training somewhat for this before he left! We are praying things work out for him! At the time he left he was actually working toward qualifying for a SWCC Team or Air Rescue Swimmer. Although we really have no idea if he has changed any plans up until now!!! Wondering, wondering, wondering - it never stops.

Of course, without even saying, he totally hates boot camp!!! Says it is the absolute worst thing anyone could imagine - although the foods good!! That's my Dom, always talking about food - hence the nickname "HEAVY D"! (hahahah)!!! He said everything reminds him of home! Things people say, things he see that he thinks we would like, things he see that he thinks we would hate, things people do. He is always wondering what we are doing and wondering where we would be at that time! Says that even when he walks into the mess hall and smells the food or sees a dish that we always prepared at home, it makes him miss us even more! Poor Kid - I mean Poor Man! Just doesn't sound right - does it??

I feel so terrible, because in Dom's letter he stressed that he has not received not one letter from anyone yet, and he NEEDS them more than words can say! We are so upset over this because between Fred, young Fred, and I, we have sent at least 2 dozen letters and cards (for Valentines Day)! Damn, I even sent a Valentine Card from Dez - Freddy's dog! I know Keirstan and my family has sent out letters and cards as well. We took notice that the return address on the envelopes had small changes that we were not given with original address. So we are hoping that the letters will eventually get to him! When I close my eyes it makes me happy to think that he will get all of these dozens of letters at one time- and then it makes me smile. One good thing, he let us know that he realizes something must have been wrong with the original address, that being the reason he is not receiving anything!!! It would just kill me if I thought he was thinking no one was thinking, missing, or writing him when he is so far from home and going through so much!!! But I don't think he would ever feel that way - because our love, is and always was, overly abundant and true!!!

I am having a "hard time" knowing Dom is having such a "hard time" with everything - although everyone says that is normal in boot camp and it will make him a better man. But no matter what anyone tells me, it doesn't ease my heart and it continues to break, each time I think how lonely, tired, scared and exhausted he must be. As parents, we try to protect our children from the harsh realities of this crazy, mixed up world. To do this, I had to restructure (just about) my entire life to show my sons the way. I am not complaining, I loved every minute of it and the changes were well worth it! But now, it seems as if I am expected to be able to watch him go through such challenging times all on his own, without being able to give him my advice, my love, help him when he is ill, give him a hug or kiss when he is having such trying times. The list could go on forever... and forever is how it long it feels my heart will be hurting.

Well, now we will await "THE PHONE CALL" - I am keeping my fingers crossed! He is only permitted 3 phone calls in 8 weeks - at least that's what the Navy Instruction Book says!!! That books has become a bit like the Bible to me!! Again, I breathe a sigh of relief, we got through another lonely day - Happy but Sad, that's the only way I can explain it! I miss my baby son.

As Days Go Slowly By...

When we got home, the day we dropped Dom off at the recruiters, I laid on the couch and I can honestly say I never stopped crying for the entire day and night. I remember I slept on the couch that evening because I was used to waiting up for Dom to come in and it just felt right. When my husband woke me in the morn, as he was leaving for work, he told me I had to try and pull it together, blah, blah, blah. I just rolled over and cried some more.

Eventually I got up and ate (I eat under pressure), watched a little TV ( I watch TV under pressure), cried some more (I cry under pressure), then went back to sleep curled up on the couch (I sleep under pressure). I WAS A HORRIBLE MESS! And then I repeated that scenario three times throughout that day. I remember I only took one call that morning from a very close friend, who knows how emotional I can be, thinking it might help - it didn't, nothing did! Until about about 4 o'clock when the phone rang once again - and unexpectedly it was Dominic calling from the Philadelphia Airport! My heart seriously stopped when I heard his voice. I was speechless for a brief second.

Dom explained that they had gone to Fort Dix in Jersey the day before and spent the night at a hotel and now he was leaving for Chicago. He was in the Airport and excused himself to use the bathroom and found a payphone (which he said is next to impossible) and called me. My God, the feeling of relief was abundantly clear as I began laughing and rattling as he was telling me his escapade to find a phone! He told me about his evening and that he already had met a lot of really great people. It took me back to his first school day at St. Albert the Great. We had moved into the neighborhood when Dom was in second grade and he knew no-one, so we were worried about his settling into a new school. The first day he came home from school, as I close my eyes, I can still see his soft blond hair and his shining face telling me he met a new best friend already on the bus! The same way that he put my heart at ease 14 years earlier, is how he put my heart at ease now! He had to talk quickly so he could give his dad, young Freddy, and Keirstan a call before he had to get back with his group.

Keirstan, we found out the night before his departure, was going to be traveling with us to Chicago, for graduation. We had met Keirstan for the first time in the summer, and immediately liked her!!! Well Dom and her had eventually decided they weren't going to see each other anymore because they were afraid they were getting too serious - which neither of them wanted because they knew he was leaving for four years. They saw each other on and off after this and each time they did see each other - he brought her around for a visit! We could tell their was something different this time - we didn't know what - but it was a feeling that my husband and I liked (although we are both hopeless romantics when it comes to Freddy and Dom)! Anyway, the night before he left for Boot Camp, they both decided that while he is away they want to keep in contact with each other as much as possible and try to see each other as much as they are able. And I guess the bottom line is, if it was meant to be - it will be! Hence, our family welcoming Keirstan with open arms to travel to graduation with us in March.

Well to get back to my story, after he called me from the airport that Tuesday afternoon, I immediately felt better! I stopped crying as much, stopped watching TV as much, stopped sleeping as much, and luckily stopped eating as much - and got myself together and carried on with my day! He called us again that evening, which was a scheduled call from the Navy, to let us know he had arrived in Chicago safely and we would not here from him now for 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. So there you have my first night and day without my brave and courageous son!

As you may have noticed I did not put any post in this blog, since that day, since I could not find it in my heart to sit and write about it. Needless to say I carried on my everyday life, but cried way too much, ate way too much, watched TV way to much and slept way to much - trying to make it through without knowing anything that was going on with Dominic. A large package arrived after he was gone the 5th day and it was known as "Soldier in a Box" (horrible name)! It came via UPS and it was a large box with all Dominics' belongings he had on the day that he left! We were told this was to represent that he left us a KID but will return to us as a MAN! I lost it, needless to say! I want my KID - I miss my KID - I love my KID!

Well, like all mothers of servicemen, I have good nights and bad nights. Do you know that I seriously, (this is absolutely no lie), wake up between 3:00 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. each and every morning instinctively, as this is the time Dominic is waking up for revelry. You know I read that in his Navy Instruction Book, along with all the other regulations, as well as the Navy alphabet code which I can rehearse easily - which is scary, I know! I can also tell you time by the Navy clock as it is now 0 9 hundred hours, I think, as I am still trying to master this ridiculous technique! I know Dom was probably saying the same thing when he was studying this! Well, today marks the 2 1/2 week mark when we should be receiving his call and we are waiting anxiously. My heart has been pounding and each time the phone rings my hands shake as I run to answer it! It sucks because the call can come at absolutely anytime and we have no way of knowing!! I am so over anxious. It reminds me of how I felt when I was waiting to receive the call from Dr. Stack to let me know if I was "with child"! Needless to say - I was - twice!!!!

Without a doubt, my husband is a Saint just to put up with me! And my oldest son, Freddy, has been the one keeping me going! I know by now, I am driving him crazy! I know it is a lot of pressure to put on him, but I can't help it! I call him way too much - and luckily he always picks up! I ask him to come over way too much - and luckily he always comes! And I ask him way too many ridiculous questions and luckily he still answers me. On several occasions when he came to visit, I even asked him if he wanted to sleep over and that he can sleep in Doms room! He said - "No Mother, I have my own apartment - remember?" Although -God bless his soul- I must have wore him down because one night he finally said "OK Mom, I will stay!" I rested a bit easier that night!!!! I also know that he is going through a difficult time without his brother, as they are very close and always did a lot of things together. If it weren't for my precious son Freddy, I would have lost it 2 1/2 weeks ago! He is a great son! You know I have two really great sons - I am a lucky woman! Realizing and appreciating that I am such a lucky mom, right now I feel Happy but Sad - that's the only way I can explain it!