Departure Day

The morning of Dominics departure, was needless to say, very hard for me as well as my husband, young Freddy, and of course our Dominic. Maggie had text me quite early to see how I was making out and I told her that I was not handling things very well. She gave me very sound advice, that I tried to follow throughout the morning. I remember thinking how the tables have turned. Here I was hanging on Maggies every last word - taking all the advice she had to offer! It was quite ironic, because in the past, it was I who used to give her the advice! The thought of Maggie helping me out, at this time when I may have needed her most, surely was a feeling I will keep with me forever. Maggie was always like a daughter to me! She told me that its important not to let Dominic see me so hysterical because he will leave thinking that I thought he made a bad decision by joining the Navy. She told me I had to get control of my feelings. Maggie was right, as I did not want him to leave our home feeling in anyway that he was wrong, or was causing me such anguish.

I thought of a game plan and followed through with it. I got up much earlier than Dom and put on my Beatles music. Beatles music soothes me when I'm anxious, lifts me up when I am down, makes me feel like singing when I am upbeat, helps me reminisce when I need extra loving- I guess you could say it is a perfect prescription for what ails me! I listened to every Beatles song I could think of and cried, genuinely balled my eyes out, listening intently on each and every word. I mean I even cried listening to Rocky Raccoon - go figure????? And then I heard Dominic's alarm clock and I stopped crying. Just like that!
Dom woke up at 7:30 and began to get ready for his final goodbye, before he was carted away to Fort Dix. I remember as soon as he walked down the steps he looked directly at me - eyes as wide as a deer caught in headlights - i know wondering if I was alright. And I smiled at him and I could tell, although a bit shocked, that he was relieved to see me holding it together! We helped with all the last minute business, social security card - check, pocket bible - check, stationary - check, ATM bank card - check, until he had all the necessities that were allowed. It was so hard not being able to pack the things we thought for sure he would need - underwear, socks, toiletries, medicines - but were not at all allowed! I remember thinking anything he needed from home, was packed up in a tiny blue back pack, smaller than when we had sent him away to the first day of Kindergarten!!!!! How could this possibly be? Something wasn't right. But we followed the rules and packed only what was on "the list". The list that we checked and rechecked each night for the last week to be sure that we had what was needed.

Well we left and took the drive to the recruiters, but Dom didn't want us to go in with him. It was pouring that morning so he said it would be fine if we walked under the alcove to say our goodbyes. Tears began to fall as he hugged me ever so tightly and held on to me. I did not want to let my youngest son go. And then he laughed at me and pulled away telling me to stop! My husband held Dominic in his arms and just asked him to come back and told him he was proud of the man he had become! And of course, I had to go in for one last hug and kiss. He kissed me on the cheek and asked me to be okay! I promised him I would. And then he left. He looked so little to me (at 215 pounds) walking in the door.

We waited out in the parking lot in the pouring rain - afraid that something might not be right. Maybe he got the date wrong, maybe the recruiter wasn't there, maybe they told him he didn't weigh in under goal weight. I remember Fred asking me how long we were gonna wait - and I said until the recruiter left with him to bring him to Fort Dix. Fred said absolutely not - that Dom would be furious if he saw us out there. And then through the heavy rains I saw him coming towards the car. He was waving for us to come toward him. I jumped out of the car literally shaking and hollering, "He wants us go in, he wants us to go in!" And when I ran through the lot in the torrential rain, trying to get to my son, he stopped me in my tracks and said "Mom I just wanted you to pull the car up to the front so I didn't have to walk in the rain to tell you something!" I remember I started laughing because I felt so ridiculously crazy! We pulled the car around to the front and he jumped in the car and said he just came out to tell us that he was fine - he weighed in under the goal range, and he was allowed to bring all the stuff that we packed, and that he loved us and already missed us and that he would be OK. My heart felt so relieved, as tears wet my face, when he was talking to us - so maturely! I seriously felt a calming warmth inside of my chest, one that I hope to feel many more times in my life.

Those few shorts words spoken by our youngest son, relieved Fred and I, and this time when he left us to walk in the office, we were able to slowly drive away. Tears streamed down my face, with a heavy but very proud heart. Just then young Freddy had called to find out how everything went, I didn't think he could bring himself to go to the recruiters office with us. He didn't have to go into work that morning so he asked if we could all meet and go out to breakfast. I know him and his Dad were feeling sorry for me because they agreed to go down to the Mercer Cafe - my FAV breakfast spot - even though it is quite a distance from our home and we were in the midst of a torrential rain storm! They spoil me like that a lot - hehehe! We were enjoying each others company while we ate, although there was a stillness that we were feeling inside our hearts because our son and brother was not here with us. We had shared so many breakfast together our whole lives, breakfasts' that you take for granted. Without saying anything to each other, we knew then and there that things were never going to be the same again. In fact, we couldn't even bring ourselves to look in each others eyes! And our hearts were heavy. Again, Happy but Sad, that's the only way I can explain it.